We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
