i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
