Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
