I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
