I seem to have left my pride at pride
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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