I got chris browned last night
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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