Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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