I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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