How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
