how can u be prego again
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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