woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
