Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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