i was born a porn star she said
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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