dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
