Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
