covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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