We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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