DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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