hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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