Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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