I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize