You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to stop coming to work sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
