You smell like a Billy Joel song
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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