I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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