she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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