no, he came in my armpit
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
