you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The air was thick with penises
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
