And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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