Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
