The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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