I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
