next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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