May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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