he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
