these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Damn victory sex feels great
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
