why didn't you poke me back
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
