Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?