We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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