it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.