Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please