Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.