He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!