Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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