I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
