If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize