I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
