not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
