I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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