i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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