Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
