Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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