i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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