i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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