I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
