I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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