I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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