You made me cry and you don't even care
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A bitchslap is in order.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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