its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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