You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and she was petting her beer can
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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